i don't feel good about myself anymore

as stated above. i don't feel good about myself anymore. for starters, i'm 51 kg. i feel fat. for goodness sakes i'm only 152cm tall and i'm a bloody 51 kg. and you'd think that i'd be eating less to loose it. if it were only that simple. i get hungry all the time. and to make matters worse, i've got gastric problems. i can't let myself go hungry. so i eat. and eat. and eat. and eat. or get something sweet to drink. and it's cold here. so i get hungry even faster! i really don't mind being chubby. heck, i kinda enjoy being chubby. but at 51 kg?! agh! and i've gotten myself a belly. a belly so huge that i can't seem to hide it no matter how hard i try to suck it in. a belly so huge that when i sit, it actually folds. a belly so bloody huge i look as if i'm 5 months pregnant!!!!!!!! and then of course there's the legs. i've always been sensitive to how they look 'cause heck, they look bloody fat. which they are. the good news is that i managed to get it toned. at least a little bit. notice the past tense. that was last year. and now when i look at it, it's back to where it was! huge ass! can see patches of fat summore. =( then there's uni. for fuck's sakes we're doing 6 subjects this sem. how the hell are we supposed to study 6 subjects?!!!!!!!! hello? as if studying anatomy and spinal anatomy haven't already used up all my brain cells. then there's cd&m (chiropractic diagnosis and management). Phill has this knack of sensing who doesn't understand what and target questions at them thus making them feel stupid. ok, so i know has a good intention by doing so but heck, i don't know what i don't know and i only have so much time to use in one day (i think i'm just justifying me not knowing). then we've got physiology... which is relatively simple. so no complains there. and then there's biochemistry and biomechanics and biology and microbiology. but hello? we're doing a chiropractic course here. can somebody please tell me the relevance of studying biology and microbiology?! all in all, there is just too much to read and study. i don't think i can handle all this shit!!!! then there's the thought of disappointing my parents. with the rate things are going, i don't think i can even get through 1st year! what am i going to tell my parents in the event that i fail? tell them that it's too difficult for me? tell them that i'm not cut out to be a chiropractor? ahghaghaghahg!!!! i started revision the past few days and somehow, whatever i've read so far seems to alien to me. i'm trying my best, really. but i just can't seem to remember what's what. and it's frustrating. the more i get frustrated, the more i don't feel like studying. then i get frustrated all over again because i'm frustrated. and i think i'm getting sick. again! everything seems a lot more sharper.... amplified. little things like the buzzing of the TV seems to give me a major headache. AHGAHGHAGHAGHAHGAHG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!