dedicated to K

i feel unwell. my heart feels unwell. it feels as if it will jump right through my chest. it's pumping a bit too hard for my liking and i have no idea why this is happening. it might be due to the medications that i'm taking at the moment. i don't know. i hope it'll go away soon. i'm feeling restless and started to think. thought of what CYK told me last night and yes. i would love to go to Nexus. not to just relax and chill and get away from people. but yeah, i really would love to go to Nexus, i don't want to go anywhere else but Nexus. because i heard that a particular someone is working there. i shall name her K. and that someone has sure caused me a hell lot of pain in the past. our friendship started 3 years ago. we were in Senior 2 back then. the teacher arranged us to sit next to each other. oh great i thought. i get to sit next to the most hated person in class. make my day. but that thought soon changed. the more time i got to spend with her, the more i thought differently about her. i actually found myself liking her, much to my surprise and a wonderful friendship began... or so i thought. during mid term holidays, her family wanted to drag her sad ass over to Kuala Penyu. she told me about it and invited my man and i over because she didn't want to be 'alone' with her relatives and what shit. i didn't know what she was trying to achieve but then again i didn't give it too much thought. so i accepted her offer blindly and went along with her plans. so i dragged my man along with me up to Kuala Penyu and some things happened that really pissed me off. oh, and before i move on, let me tell you people about her family background. K comes from a broken family where her mom is the 2nd wife to a VERY old man. K has a temper problem to the extent where she would hurt herself (or so she says) when she gets angry. and her mom is a controlling bitch who thinks her daughter (K) is the best and would go around boasting just how good her daughter is even if it's lies. attention whore that one. okok, back to the event in Kuala Penyu. so we arrived at night and were living in your typical kampung house. and what comes with you typical kampung house? mosquitoes!!! and lots of it for the matter. being my playful self, i decided to light the incense thing that you use to keep mosquitoes at bay. no know what you call those. anyways, so i was half playing with the matches and half trying to light the incense when the attention whore noticed me. she immediately snatched the matches away from me and told me watch as i do it. you can't even get such simple things done right! i bet my K could do this with her eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back! ooooooookay. that was too much. but i let it pass. i won't let that bitch spoil my stay. after all, it was K who wanted me there. dinner came and went. we were sitting around the place having a wonderful time until they decided to dance. ooookay. i don't do dancing. so sue me. the only times i've danced was when i was in primary school. i've thought of taking up ballroom dancing but it never happened. so sue me. i just don't do dancing. and that's that. an ADD moment there. back the issue. so they decided to dance. fine by me. go do your little jiggy jigs and leave me alone while i watch you get jiggy with it. i'm all fine and dandy with you people dancing. i enjoy watching people dance. do what you so please. i don't care. but do not mess with my man. so what happened? K's mom, the attention whore, the 40+ year old auntie with sagging tits was flirting with my man, luring him into dancing with her. fuck that. i'm not cool with people who messes with my man whether or not you're an 18 year old beauty or an 80 year old bag of bones. i don't do well with people who messes with my man. plain and simple. and that bitch is flirting with my man, right in front of my face! the nerve! so what i do? i remain quiet. but it could be seen on my face that i'm pissed off that her. and with her tits of steel, she walks to me and says i hope you don't mind me dancing with your man. i can see that you're not happy but i hope you don't mind. fuck that. you want to have fun with my man? go right ahead. harmless fun, i don't mind. i may be young but i sure as hell can differentiate between having a little harmless fun to flirting with people whom you're not supposed to flirt with. i wanted to speak my mind. oh i sure as hell wanted to but i held my tongue. we're all there to have fun after all. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! so our little escapade ended the next day. we got back from the place alive and in one piece. i decided to not talk to K about her mom's behaviour. after all the damage is done. nothing i say will undo what has happened. so why let something so small ruin our friendship? i was happily living in ignorance for a while until one day. my mom came to me and damn! she fucked me up real bad. the reason for my mom fucking me up? apparently K's mom have been spreading all sorts of rumors behind my back. saying that i'm not a decent girl because i brought a man with me up to Kuala Penyu and some things much much worse than that. god knows where she got her ideas from. the only person i know would feed her such lies is K. the only reason her mom would know so much about me would be from K. i confronted K and K denied everything. saying it wasn't her and what not. well, if it wasn't K then who else could it be? her dog? c'mon mate, it's so obvious. and from then on, i decided to not have anything to do with her. ever again. then K teamed up with her bunch of bitches and spread even more rumors about me. yak yak yak yak. yes thank you. i know i'm very well known. everyone wants to hear juicy gossips about me. i kept low. no point wasting my emotions trying to counter such lies. as time goes on, it finally got to K that no matter what she did, it won't affect me. so the lies stopped and things started to clear up. it wasn't until i'm about to leave Malaysia to Aussie Land that she sent me a message. beckie, this is K. i know we have our differences but i hope you can forget about it and be friends again. i graciously ignored her. she makes it sound like i was the one that started everything. hell, things got so messed up i don't even know who started what. all i know is that i didn't do anything to deserve the shit that my mom has put me through all because my mom believes in what other people tells her and not me. so i say fuck to her message. i have my own life and i sure as hell don't need people like her, backstabbers like her in it, thank you very much. 10 months away from home and a lot has changed since then. i've recently received news that K is working in Nexus, though i don't know which part of Nexus. so really, i want to go to Nexus and see K again. so that i can spit in her face and cause her the pain that she has caused me. oooookay. i sound scary. but let me assure you that i'm not all that scary. as a matter of fact, i'm a very forgiving person. i'm one who forgives and forget. really. ask people who's close to me. but K is different. i will be damned if i let her get away with what she's done to me. so let's hope Nexus works out.