digging my own grave

that's what i do best. i just dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and DIG! why do i keep doing this to myself? i'm starting to think that maybe i'm doing this intentionally. i can't have a normal life. normal = boring. so i make myself get into all sorts of situations, make drama in my own little world and then complain about it. fuck. what the hell is wrong with me? my heart aches. it hurts so bad....... so bad.