my my my it's august already. how time flies. feeling better than i was a few months ago.

lets hope it works out and mom and dad won't use the past against us =(

exam blues

cannot concentrate lah. i'll be so screwed for tomorrow's exam. but lets hope i get enough to pass. next week this time, i'll be in kk!!! wohoooo!!! excited as ever! leave my burden behind. set my life straight. can't wait to go back to the gym! ............................. ok. i need to study.

yes i can

every cloud has a silver lining. i know i can make it through this pain.

the things i hope to one day be able to say

You talk about life, you talk about death, And everything in between, Like it's nothing, and the words are easy. You talk about me, and you talk about you, And everything I do, Like it's something, that needs repeating. I don't need an alibi or for you to realize, The things we left unsaid, Are only taking space up in our head. Make it my fault, win the game Point the finger, place the blame It does me up and down, It doesn't matter now. 'Cause I don't care if I ever talk to you again. This is not about emotion, I don't need a reason not to care what you say, Or what happened in the end. This is my interpretation, And it don't, don't make sense. The first two weeks turn into ten, I hold my breath and wonder when it'll happen, Does it really matter? If half of what you said is true, And half of what I didn't do could be different, Would it make it better? If we forget the things we know. Would we have somewhere to go? The only way is down, I can see that now. It's really not such a sacrifice And it don't have to make no sense to you at all, 'Cause this is my interpretation, yeah, yeah, yeah.

i will and i must!

i have to get back up again. i can't stay on the ground forever. what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. one day, the hurt will go away. my heart won't feel like it's been ripped into a million pieces. one day, i'll be able to let go of all the anger and hate that i'm harboring. one day. that day will come and i know it. returning home on the 18th. 3 weeks before i return. it'll be weird. this would be the first time i'm flying back without him. well, i suppose i shouldn't be dwelling on these things. went out with aunt today. she doesn't know that i'm still hurting. i must be putting up a very good facade. this facade will one day turn into reality. i must stay strong.

digging my own grave

that's what i do best. i just dig and dig and dig and dig and dig and DIG! why do i keep doing this to myself? i'm starting to think that maybe i'm doing this intentionally. i can't have a normal life. normal = boring. so i make myself get into all sorts of situations, make drama in my own little world and then complain about it. fuck. what the hell is wrong with me? my heart aches. it hurts so bad....... so bad.

getting too close for my own good. i need to stop, pick myself up again. but it gets easier. with each time i fall, it gets easier. the emotions aren't as full on anymore. but i'll miss every moment we spent, the good and the bad. going back home is what i need. hopefully by the time i come back i'll have sorted my life out. a mess is what i am at the moment. so weak. i'm so weak. 9 days and counting before i go back.

and down again

maybe it's the coffee or the lack thereof. been feeling down today. i'm a curious being. a little TOO curious for that matter. why oh why did i read the stuff?!!! feeling the pain all over again. the ex from hell. that's what i am. still have not decide on whether or not i should sort things out when i get back. moving heaven and earth just to get what i want but now that i'm close to getting it, i'm not so sure i want it anymore. life's a bitch and so am i.