lalala.....

i love my daddy. my daddy over in Melb that is. not to say that i don't love my daddy here. =S so anyways.... chatting with Awang has been great. always has been. makes me feel.... how do i put this. its destressing(is this even a word?) and its fun and... and.... i just love him a lot. and i have nothing to write. just killing time before the shop closes. Adios.

bs

what started as a half an hour wait turned into a 24 hour wait. shit. i want my mobile damnit! don't think i will be getting it today as promised because they've been delaying it all day long and i'm still waiting for them to call me. sigh,... i hate waiting. and my poor lappie needs to be reformatted. shit. did i say that already? and backing up my files will be hell because i'm a fussy bitch and i want all of it to be backed up. all 20 or so gigs of it. tempers are rising and my patience is running low. can't wait until friday to get away from everything and everyone. fuck. i need to chill. thinking about aussie is making me frustrated. very. if i don't find a place for us to live when we get back, which is in about 2 weeks, we will be damned. sleep on the streets we will. B.S! and my mom is pestering to start packing. i still have another 2 weeks and she's already pushing and pushing and pushing. eeeeeeveryday!!! and the longer i stay the more i don't feel like leaving. already people are asking me to stay. for good. yeah. like i don't want too. damn! you have no idea how much i want to stay, how i've cried myself to sleep for the past few days, how i've been debating with myself over and over about leaving.... again. but what must be done, has to be done. staying is not an option for me. and the stupid people who promised to get me the phone today hasn't called. i shall give them until tomorrow to produce the stupid phone otherwise i'll get in another shop.

random ramblings

dealing with a. lot. of. aussies. i'm pretty surprised because we don't usually get this many aussies. feels like i'm back in Melb all over again. got distracted by them and now i forgot what it was that i wanted to blog about. =S cool. they went like you know what? this shop is coooooooool. and they call ringgit as ringiiiiiii. i'll give you a ringiiiiii. =-=" oh oh oh and they liked Chillout session that was playing and wanted to get it in the cd shop. =-=" they didn't know i got it from their homeland. i'm bored. i want to go out for tea. i want my laptop. i want my mobile. i want my baby. and one more thing. dad found my bloggie!! welcome dad! and let's keep what you read in here, here. what i write is not open for discussions so don't lecture me if you read something you don't like. deal? deal!

while waiting for a phone call...

Just lay it all down. Put your face into my neck and let it fall out. I know I know I know. I knew before you got home. This world you're in now, it doesn't have to be alone, I'll get there somehow, 'cos I know I know I know when, even springtime feels cold. But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see, so we can both be there and we can both share the dark. And in our honesty, together we will rise, out of our nightminds, and into the light at the end of the fight... You were blessed by a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified. The highs would make you fly, and the lows make you want to die. And I was once there, hanging from that very ledge where you are standing. So I know I know I know, it's easier to let go. But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see, so we can both be there and we can both share the dark. And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light at the end of the fight. ...and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds and into the light... at the end of the fight... missy higgins - nightminds bad news. there is nothing that left that could be done on my lappie. even after copying back the deleted files, it still won't run. another option would be to reinstall windows xp but fuck, i'll be loosing files. very important files for that matter and some folders could not be accessed while some are empty though that shouldn't be the case. so yeah. i hope there's still help for the files.

mom's advise

had a little girly talk with my mom which usually is a lecture about my choice of men. go to uni, she says, and get a guy who's loaded and in the same profession to avoid people looking down on you and your man. what the hell. she goes on saying that i shouldn't defame myself by dating men who are uneducated, men that don't suit me. oooooooookay. right. so then it got me thinking. why do people associate love with money? maybe i'm naive when it comes to all this but for those of you who knows me well, i don't give a flying raccoon's ass about whether or not my man is rich. if i do care, i would've gotten together with this CEO guy or this contractor's son or some other people who are loaded but never dated seriously. you get my drift. aghaghahgaghahg.... my little talk with my mom is really annoying me!! i mean like so what if my man is not rich. jeez. not like it's the end of the world. if he happens to be loaded then good for me, but otherwise, why should i waste my time and energy looking out only for Richie Rich? what the hell man, it's my life and i set the rules. if they can't accept who i am, then so be it. why should i live for somebody else? anyways, annoyance set aside. lunch was great. had durian mixed with rice. 1st time ever i ate something like this and damn! it tastes great!

my poor poor lappie

my poor lappie is still down. apparently, someone or something opened the hidden system files and they were showing on my c drive and being the smartass that i am, i deleted it thinking it's some virus because i do actually get viruses that are system files and i can truly swear that i did not in any way open those hidden system files because i have no need to and i don't mess around with my laptop and i'm not even sure if i know how to do it. so there. it couldn't have been me. tried copying the deleted files but it won't work because my laptop is being a bitch and won't let anyone gain access to the cdrom. and we can't use the pen drive because there is no access to the drive. and erm.. the floppy drive... i left the removable floppy thingie over in Melb. yes, clever me. how the hell would i know this would happen?! and to make matters worse, i have no backup for my files. yes... yes....i know how clever i can get at times. so the repairing will have to wait until tomorrow when Vun brings it to the office and get help from his IT manager. they would probably have to dismantle my poor lappie to take out the HD and fix it onto this bootable thingie.... i'm confusing myself. so yeah. i hope whatever they try to do works because Vun told me there might be a slight chance of it not working despite copying back the lost files. if all fails, they will have to reinstall windows and in the process my files would get deleted. sigh... and some of the files, are pretty important to me. so i really really really hope they fix up my lappie. =( note: i never realized how some people could be abusive. looks can really be deceiving.

i hope bad things don't come in 3's

look, if you people out there don't like the service my shop gives out, then DON'T FUCKING STEP FOOT IN MY SHOP! if you have something to say, fucking say it to my face you cowardly bitch. i don't care who you think you are, i don't even care if you're the king's daughter. if you have no respect for my workers or for my shop then FUCKING LEAVE! no one forced you to buy the fucking wallet. it's your own fucking choice to get the fucking wallet so if you want to buy something from the shop, have some fucking respect, you stupid bitch. so what the fuck makes you think you're so high and mighty? just because you buy that rm89.90 wallet? fuck. i can fucking live without your money and customers like you. so fuck off and go jerk yourself in the corner. fucking bitch. so anyways, my lappie failed on me. i accidentally deleted a system file which i thought was a virus and i fucked things up. i screwed it up so bad i can't go into windows through safe mode, i tried to repair it but it needs this administrator password which i don't know what the fuck that is, and i tried reinstalling but apparently files will be deleted. so now i'm waiting for my savior to come save my poor baby from disaster. and other than that, my Astro bailed on me as well. it's been down for days and i don't have the patience to wait around 4 hours just to make a complaint. life is a bitch. and i'm still sick. running a slight fever. i hope i'll be better if not, slightly better by tomorrow. i want to go climbing. i missed today's session and damn! i'm already longing to get out there with everybody else and climb. =(

病了.... again

yous truly is sick... AGAIN!!! down with a cold. i've been sick ever since i got back. didn't get to do anything much cuz i'm sick! it's getting in my way! i've got hell loads of things planned up but it all got messed up cuz i'm sick! ugh! and both my parents are sick. down with the cold as well. so that makes the whole family sick, save for the maid. thank goodness. i hope i get well in time for next week's climb.

meow.....i'm bored!

just hit me how fast time seems to go by. i'll be leaving in about 3 weeks time. just as i'm starting to get settled i have to uproot myself and leave. no... it won't be easy. as a matter of fact, it'll be harder leaving this time around than it was before. since coming back, i've made a lot of wonderful friends. friends who would go to the ends of earth with you. friends like these are hard to come by and i treasure them dearly. sigh... why oh why... no... it won't b easy leaving. it'll be hard to get over their absence but i'll survive. somehow. i'm bored. and i realized that i haven't posted any pics from the kl trip. so here they are. feast your eyes out! my bowl of Penang Asam Laksa. delicious. yummy! hoishi! sedap! 好吃! mmm.... *salivating* called the Viking Cocktail... if i'm not mistaken. teeny weeny sausages that costs a bomb! thank goodness it doesn't taste all that bad. strawberries coated in sugar. yummy. sweet. mmm... can be found in Sungei Wang. breakfast over in Chinoz KLCC. a half eaten Salmon omelet. great atmosphere. great food. good money spent on good food. well worth it. presenting premium toilet in KLCC. rm2 per entry and damn. it looks good! and the person who's sitting outside collecting money wears a coat. complementary napkin from the premium toilet. and you get a coupon as well. Fat Boy Steamboat. it actually tastes good. forgot where it's located but i saw these kinda things all over the place. i can't seem to be able to fix this stupid pic and rotating it in photobucket doesn't seem to help. so i'll just leave it at that until i find out how to set it right. oh, and this is how we poor souls cross over to Times Square. yeah man. went to the theme park in Times Square. and shit. the rides are scary! IMAX theater Times Square. huge ass glasses for the 3D effect. another rm20 well spent. oh oh oh. and i saw Dr Mahathir. he was walking right behind us when we left the theater. fucking awesome to get to meet him. was passing the cameraman a piece of tissue i think. enjoying my lolly in KLIA while waiting for boarding. and as you can see, it tastes pretty much horrible. Ivan came. he's thinner. and he looks good. and damn! he's vain. and he kept saying that i'm fat. so i shall take back whatever good things i've said about him. by the way, you should've told me that you won't be meeting for lunch this morning instead of calling me up at 1.30pm to tell me that. i don't appreciate it one bit. i'm bored, i'm sick, i'm moody and the last thing i need is to deal with cocky customers. fuck.

ugh. the pain!!!

wowsers. nikki, your boyboy and you... wow! he's here?!!! unbelievable! meeting your mom already? one thing i hate, absolutely detest about being a girl is having period pains! sigh... it's been really, really bad. can't even walk straight. not good. and i have to train for next friday! agh. i've told you over and over that driking and driving is NOT COOL! when is it going to get through to you?!! sigh...

oh, lookie!

i feel fat. ok. maybe not fat, fat. but yeah. i feel fat. guess how much i weigh? a mind blowing 49kg!!!!! this seriously does not look good on my medical report. nevertheless, i'm happy. compared to what i am when i just came back... yeah, i'm happy. tadaaaaa!!!! nope. this is NOT me! must be the water retention or sumfin. i hope. this was taken in ... Nando's just around the corner of Sungei Wang Plaza. (if i'm not mistaken) see? see? SEE?!!!!! lookie at the difference! staggering! thin-er by like a gazillion times!! oh, and not to mention that i look hot-er than before by like a gazillion times too. hahaha... muka tebal. ah well, need some self assurance mar. oh, next friday i'll be going up to the mountains. have been trying my very best to build up my stamina as of late but it's not looking too good. i hope i manage. =s oh oh oh. and i'll be the proud owner of sony erricson s700i very, very soon! hopefully by next week.

=)

today has been busy! busy! busy! busy! and my shop has been turned up side down, in side out by a bunch of koreans. oh, i don't mind. i don't mind it one bit. they're a nice, friendly bunch of people which bought a hell lot of things from my shop and more importantly. they say that i look like a beautiful korean girl. no shit. all of them said so. kembang moment there. =) =) =) =) anyways, i would like to wish Tiong and Vun the best of luck. they might be starting their own company soon. hope your dreams come true.

oh crap...

people over in IELC finally called. will be getting my medical check up and xray done later. one thing less to worry about. unfortunately those in TOAB have yet to contact me about the apartment. but really, does it take that long to process the stupid application? another option would be UniLodge but unfortunately short term stay is at a minimum of 24 weeks! bloody hell. i have no idea what other options are available. will have to tslk to CYK soon. as fast as possible. 3 more weeks to go and time is running out. btw, nikki, have you gotten your offer letter yet? better hurry.

intense. very intense

spent some time with my dad this morning. what did we do? watched this video of someone on his death bed. i'm serious. this guy has liver cancer and he has 3 days left to live and this video basically depicts his last moments. the last moments before he died.... intense. very intense. even though i didn't know the guy, watching him die brought me to tears. it was hard man. watching someone at the brink of death. watching him grasp for breath... until he eventually dies. words can't describe what i saw. intense. very intense. anyways, met aunt Lily today. she says i lost more weight since she last saw me last month. mwahahahha!!! how cool is that? and to think that i was eating my heart out all this time. i rule!!! will be going back to IS tomorrow. can't wait to see everyone again. it was a year since i last saw them. so yeah, that's about it. bye.

shit!

not too happy with what's going on. CYK has said it again. we can go live ourselves in between Bundoora and the city while he goes to Bundoora and live happily ever after despite telling me that he wants to live together. right. okay. no big. until i realized that i probably can not accomplish the matter of actually finding a bloody house all by myself. nah-uh. no way. Leslie's classes would begin on the 14th of Feb, and eric would only be going back to Melb on like... the 18th? if i'm not mistaken. so yeah. if i choose to live with them, then i'll have to get everything up and running MYSELF!!! sigh. i don't know if i can actually do it. so yeah. i'll have until tomorrow to make up my mind because CYK WANTS to bloody live in Bundoora. muktamat.

AGHAHAHGAHG!!!!!!!!!!!

i've been thinking about what Leslie's mom said to me. so much so that i can not sleep at night. auntie told me that Leslie was threatening her that if we decide to live too far away (like an hours tram ride away) from the city, he would quit uni and not go to Melbourne. yes, it's that bad. i do not know if Leslie is threatening her or... hell, i don't know what the hell is going through the guy's head when he said such things to his mom!!! auntie is devastated. she didn't go through shit to get her dear son into uni and only to have him quit. Leslie is very ashamed of himself because he got into a diploma program instead of the degree program as initially planned. major boo boo for Leslie. and being his 'kiasu' (scared to lose) self, there is no way in hell that he can go back to Melbourne and face those who've successfully entered a degree program. oh yeah. he's made himself pretty clear about that. goodness knows how long he's been whining and complaining and doing whatever else to make sure he doesn't go back to Melbourne. so auntie calls me and pours everything out. trust me, she was at the brink of tears because really, she doesn't know what to do with Leslie anymore. so she asked me for help. so yeah, i helped her out. and after going through 18 levels of hell, we eventually got things settled. and now.... THIS! AGHAGHAHGAHGAHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this. is. not. cool! i would so love to bloody knock Leslie Khoo in the head! what the hell is he thinking?!!!!! sigh... well, i guess i can understand why Leslie is doing it. sigh... somebody please, PLEASE!!!! help me out here. because if things do not go well and Leslie decides that hell, he'll just stay in Malaysia, his mom would be VERY disappointed and hell, she (hopefully not) would even blame me. she told me to, please think about Leslie's part and try to be fair in all this. bet CYK would be peeved when he finds out about it. hopefully not. but with his weird temperament, i wouldn't know. so yeah. i hope Monday turns out alright and hopefully no one gets angry because our little temper friend here can really mess things up. sigh... i'm worried.

girls night out

went to coffee bean with mom, a 60 year old grandmother, and a 23 year old lady. damn. haven't had so much fun in a while. we were just sitting around, talking and laughing for 2 hours. i swear we were the loudest table around. was definitely sweet! SWEET!!! i hope we have another 'yam cha' session sometime soon. heh. Leslie's mom called me up just now. had a long talk about our little housing issue next year. sigh... i shan't go into details. i really really hope we can work things out on monday because really, i want us all to live together. but whether or not that is going to happen will have to wait until monday. if we're gonna live together, we HAVE to compromise. no questions asked. so yeah. compromise! i don't want any fighting going on during the discussion. you hear? we will have to work things out like civilized people. i'm pretty much stressed out just thinking about it. well, better not think too much. no point. sigh... let's just hope monday's discussion works out fine.

~_^

had a fight with CYK over our little housing problem next year. i guess CYK got fed up and told me that i can go live with Leslie while he gets a place in University Mews and live in Bundoora itself. so like.... ok. a blank moment there. then i got pissed. peeved, i tell you! and very disappointed as well because really, i felt deserted. as i was driving all around town to get things done, i was thinking about this and really, why am i even angry over such little things. i would love it if all of us could live together but hell, if we can't come to a compromise and if he thinks he'll be better off living in where ever he wants to, then so be it. as long as he's happy. i shouldn't be a selfish, clingy bitch. why force him to live somewhere where he really doesn't want to? so yeah... we'll talk it through on monday and see how things work out. hopefully we'll all get to stay together but otherwise.... so yeah. let's see how the discussion on monday works out.

what's up?

what the fuck is up with my family? so mom is tired, isn't everybody? but life goes on. and dad? well, he's tied up. he always is. i'm fine with that. really. i'm used to being alone after all. mom's sleeping. dad's gone. and no one told me that she ain't cooking. never mind that. i'm stuck at home with a car that i have no access to and dad has driven away the only car that i have access to. so yeah. i'm stuck at home with an empty fridge, with no transport, with no fucking food and all that i'm left with? gastritis. yayness! i haven't ate anything since 11.30am and really, i don't do so well without food cuz i. have. the. gastritis. and my family knows that. what the fuck are they trying to achieve here? fuck, you know what? i'm just gonna take out the Merc anyways.

back... at long last

i am back. and damn! i'm tired. coming home this time around feels some what different. i feel... hostility in the house. no, i haven't met my parents yet but i'm pretty damn sure mom is gonna be really hostile towards me. and dad, well, he's trying not to get too hostile with me. why is this happening? i will have to give all the credit to my brother. yes. my brother. that idiot. good for nothing brother. i shan't go into details but well, i hope he's happy now that this is happening to me. i thought once i go over to Aussie land things would be different, but apparently nothing has changed. and to think that i actually find myself missing him when i'm in Oz really, really sickens me. when will i learn that he can't be trusted? There you go You're always so right It's all a big show It's all about you You think you know What everyone needs You always take time To criticize me It seems like everyday I make mistakes I just can't get it right It's like I'm the one You love to hate But not today So shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down There you go You never ask why It's all a big lie Whatever you do You think you're special But I know, and I know And I know, and we know That you're not You're always there to point Out my mistakes And shove them in my face It's like I'm the one You love to hate But not today So shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down Is gonna bring me down Will never bring me down Don't tell me who I should be And don't try to tell me what's right for me Don't tell me what I should do I don't wanna waste my time I'll watch you fade away So shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down Shut up, shut up, shut up Don't wanna hear it Get out, get out, get out Get out of my way Step up, step up, step up You'll never stop me Nothing you say today Is gonna bring me down Bring me down {shut up, shut up, shut up} Won't bring me down {shut up, shut up, shut up} Bring me down {shut up, shut up, shut up} Won't bring me down Shut up, shut up, shut up simple plan - shut up this song is perfect for you, my brother. i hope you'll leave me alone from now on. because really, i don't need you. i never have and never will.

good bye

so my mother and i aren't talking all that much anymore. i try to avoid her as much as possible until i go in another one or two hours. but the brighter side of all this? she's talking to dad again. they're all lovey dovey now. that's a good sign. sometimes i wonder if mom did it intentionally or if she doesn't know what she said could potentially hurt my feelings. i really don't want to spend time fighting with her because i'll only be here until Feb. i want to make happy memories for me as well as for them. so really, KL is more like an escape for me. anyways, i'd better go get ready. see you people when i get back.

even if i die, i will go!

as you people can tell, i am not too happy. today started out ok. went out for lunch and to the International English Language Centre to enquire about my visa. t'was all fine and dandy until dinner. my mom decided that it was time to give me a lecture. i would rather not go into what she lectured me about but it not only hurt my feelings. it fucking lowered my fucking self esteem to new levels. wowsers! i haven't felt this bad about myself before. nope. and today is the day where i feel so bad that i just want to fucking dig a hole and fucking hide in it for eternity. my mother defamed me. really really defamed me for reasons that i'd rather not dwell on. so yeah. it worked. i hope she's happy now. as if that isn't enough, while on the way coming to town, i've had to tail behind this really fucked up driver who goes at like 40km/h on the fucking FAST lane! and i can't over take that fucking idiot because there were a lot of slow cars on the SLOW lane, where slow cars should belong, preventing me from over taking that fucking idiot. and i had to tail him from the roundabout in front of GSC until the zebra crossing next to CP. even some spastic person could fucking drive faster than that! so never mind about the fucked up driver, then i had an encounter with a woman who thinks she is made out of steel! she was crossing the road, shaking her pretty ass with her four inch heels even when she could see me zooming down the road with like what? 80km/h. and i can't really see her until i was almost right in front of her. damn! i should've just stepped on the gas all the way. let's see if my car or her tits of steel is harder? another fucking idiot. and never mind about all those. i realize as i was walking happily in CP that i'm wearing blue flip flops. blue. flip. flops. i nearly died. blue flip flops to go with khaki shorts and a brown shirt. blue. flip. flops! unfuckingbelievable! ok, so maybe i'm a bit paranoid about this. but fuck. blue. flip. flops. totally unmatching with my outfit! and a fucking shop right in front of mine is blasting some stupid unknown song. the last thing i need is bad music. why can't they let me enjoy my own fucking music without having to hear their fucked up bass and music. agh! i want to strangle somebody. so yeah. with all that has happened to me today, i've made up my mind to go! whether or not my parents approve, i just don't fucking care. i want to go and i need to go. i need to get out of the house before i loose my mind. i need to just get away from my mom and this stupid place for a while. and for those of you who might want to contact me within the next few days, i might not bring my mobile along with me. i just want to be alone for a while with people that are closest to me. anyways, news for those who's been with me in melb. JU HYUN IS GETTING MARRIED THIS SATURDAY!!!!!!!!! and Panaad didn't get into uni. sad. was hoping to see him in melb again next year. he makes a good drinking partner. heh. i wish him the best in Thailand.

low self esteem?

i don't feel good. mostly about myself. i feel anything but pretty and i've been uncomfortable with my body as of late. this is not good. i'm not one of those oh-my-god-i-have-a-zit-on-my-face-so-kill-me or oh-my-god-i've-gained-0.000005kg-kill-me-again type of people. i really don't care if i've got zits or i've gained like 10kg of fat or what not. i'm very comfortable with my body. i like who i am but as of late, i just don't feel like myself. sigh... low self esteem? i really wouldn't know. or it could be me being sick for more than a week. in any case, i hope i stop feeling so...... so.... so out of it. i hate this feeling. anyways, i sensed that there's something wrong with mom and dad but i just couldn't put a finger on it until last night. they were avoiding each other though they didn't do it in from of me but i just know. and the reason why they're doing it? because dad refuses to eat eggs and mom is pissed off at him. oh and if you're confused, my parents are vegetarian. my dad has gone to the extent where he can't even stand the smell of eggs! so mom has gotten a little bit annoyed at that and lost her motivation to cook. she tried to force him to take eggs but dad refuses. so really, mom doesn't know what to cook anymore. poor mom. i wish her luck.

eyebrow disaster

so there i was, awake in the wee hours of the morning. with nothing better to do, i decided to check myself out. goodness knows when was the last time i actually stared at my face in the mirror. so i did just that today. and what do i see? eyebrows that needed trimming. what the heck, might as well since i'm already up. there i was happily trimming away.... until my mind decided to wander of into lala land. well, i can't help it if i'm already excited about the trip to Nexus. so there i was daydreaming about the wonderful time that is yet to come... somewhere along the way, my mind traveled back in time to last year when i was there. blah blah blah and suddenly my mind snapped back into the present. and what do i see? disaster! disaster, i tell you! i've trimmed into areas where i'm not supposed to!! agh! so now i have an uneven eyebrow to live with for the next week or so until the hair grows back. T_T this is not good! my eyebrows! my very beautiful eyebrows!!! ah, life's a bitch.

dying to go!!

the more i think about it, the more bitter i feel about not being able to go! damnit! i've planned this trip 6 months ago and now i won't be able to make it because of bronchitis?! damn! i want to gooooooooo!!! *whine whine whine* i'll see how i go tomorrow and try to negotiate once again with my parents. either i get through them or i don't so really, it's a do or die mission. sigh... i can't believe that i'm letting a little cough stop me. okay... so not a little cough but a hell lot of coughs but damn! unbelievable! or, i can just be a hard headed pig and go anyways. if all happens, might even get to extend the stay a wee bit longer? *winks* or not. well, we'll see how i hold up tomorrow. but damn! i want to go!

dedicated to K

i feel unwell. my heart feels unwell. it feels as if it will jump right through my chest. it's pumping a bit too hard for my liking and i have no idea why this is happening. it might be due to the medications that i'm taking at the moment. i don't know. i hope it'll go away soon. i'm feeling restless and started to think. thought of what CYK told me last night and yes. i would love to go to Nexus. not to just relax and chill and get away from people. but yeah, i really would love to go to Nexus, i don't want to go anywhere else but Nexus. because i heard that a particular someone is working there. i shall name her K. and that someone has sure caused me a hell lot of pain in the past. our friendship started 3 years ago. we were in Senior 2 back then. the teacher arranged us to sit next to each other. oh great i thought. i get to sit next to the most hated person in class. make my day. but that thought soon changed. the more time i got to spend with her, the more i thought differently about her. i actually found myself liking her, much to my surprise and a wonderful friendship began... or so i thought. during mid term holidays, her family wanted to drag her sad ass over to Kuala Penyu. she told me about it and invited my man and i over because she didn't want to be 'alone' with her relatives and what shit. i didn't know what she was trying to achieve but then again i didn't give it too much thought. so i accepted her offer blindly and went along with her plans. so i dragged my man along with me up to Kuala Penyu and some things happened that really pissed me off. oh, and before i move on, let me tell you people about her family background. K comes from a broken family where her mom is the 2nd wife to a VERY old man. K has a temper problem to the extent where she would hurt herself (or so she says) when she gets angry. and her mom is a controlling bitch who thinks her daughter (K) is the best and would go around boasting just how good her daughter is even if it's lies. attention whore that one. okok, back to the event in Kuala Penyu. so we arrived at night and were living in your typical kampung house. and what comes with you typical kampung house? mosquitoes!!! and lots of it for the matter. being my playful self, i decided to light the incense thing that you use to keep mosquitoes at bay. no know what you call those. anyways, so i was half playing with the matches and half trying to light the incense when the attention whore noticed me. she immediately snatched the matches away from me and told me watch as i do it. you can't even get such simple things done right! i bet my K could do this with her eyes closed and her hands tied behind her back! ooooooookay. that was too much. but i let it pass. i won't let that bitch spoil my stay. after all, it was K who wanted me there. dinner came and went. we were sitting around the place having a wonderful time until they decided to dance. ooookay. i don't do dancing. so sue me. the only times i've danced was when i was in primary school. i've thought of taking up ballroom dancing but it never happened. so sue me. i just don't do dancing. and that's that. an ADD moment there. back the issue. so they decided to dance. fine by me. go do your little jiggy jigs and leave me alone while i watch you get jiggy with it. i'm all fine and dandy with you people dancing. i enjoy watching people dance. do what you so please. i don't care. but do not mess with my man. so what happened? K's mom, the attention whore, the 40+ year old auntie with sagging tits was flirting with my man, luring him into dancing with her. fuck that. i'm not cool with people who messes with my man whether or not you're an 18 year old beauty or an 80 year old bag of bones. i don't do well with people who messes with my man. plain and simple. and that bitch is flirting with my man, right in front of my face! the nerve! so what i do? i remain quiet. but it could be seen on my face that i'm pissed off that her. and with her tits of steel, she walks to me and says i hope you don't mind me dancing with your man. i can see that you're not happy but i hope you don't mind. fuck that. you want to have fun with my man? go right ahead. harmless fun, i don't mind. i may be young but i sure as hell can differentiate between having a little harmless fun to flirting with people whom you're not supposed to flirt with. i wanted to speak my mind. oh i sure as hell wanted to but i held my tongue. we're all there to have fun after all. if you can't beat 'em, join 'em! so our little escapade ended the next day. we got back from the place alive and in one piece. i decided to not talk to K about her mom's behaviour. after all the damage is done. nothing i say will undo what has happened. so why let something so small ruin our friendship? i was happily living in ignorance for a while until one day. my mom came to me and damn! she fucked me up real bad. the reason for my mom fucking me up? apparently K's mom have been spreading all sorts of rumors behind my back. saying that i'm not a decent girl because i brought a man with me up to Kuala Penyu and some things much much worse than that. god knows where she got her ideas from. the only person i know would feed her such lies is K. the only reason her mom would know so much about me would be from K. i confronted K and K denied everything. saying it wasn't her and what not. well, if it wasn't K then who else could it be? her dog? c'mon mate, it's so obvious. and from then on, i decided to not have anything to do with her. ever again. then K teamed up with her bunch of bitches and spread even more rumors about me. yak yak yak yak. yes thank you. i know i'm very well known. everyone wants to hear juicy gossips about me. i kept low. no point wasting my emotions trying to counter such lies. as time goes on, it finally got to K that no matter what she did, it won't affect me. so the lies stopped and things started to clear up. it wasn't until i'm about to leave Malaysia to Aussie Land that she sent me a message. beckie, this is K. i know we have our differences but i hope you can forget about it and be friends again. i graciously ignored her. she makes it sound like i was the one that started everything. hell, things got so messed up i don't even know who started what. all i know is that i didn't do anything to deserve the shit that my mom has put me through all because my mom believes in what other people tells her and not me. so i say fuck to her message. i have my own life and i sure as hell don't need people like her, backstabbers like her in it, thank you very much. 10 months away from home and a lot has changed since then. i've recently received news that K is working in Nexus, though i don't know which part of Nexus. so really, i want to go to Nexus and see K again. so that i can spit in her face and cause her the pain that she has caused me. oooookay. i sound scary. but let me assure you that i'm not all that scary. as a matter of fact, i'm a very forgiving person. i'm one who forgives and forget. really. ask people who's close to me. but K is different. i will be damned if i let her get away with what she's done to me. so let's hope Nexus works out.

boo hoo hoo

after a long and hard discussion with my superiors, we came to the conclusion that i'm unfit to travel. even if i do recover in time, my body may still be weak and i may risk another infection. so i'ma be a good girl and stay home aaaaaaaaaall day and aaaaaaaall night long.... until next friday that is. well, i plan to go out and pway next friday. time to unleash the pent up energy from staying home for a whole bloody week! yay to that! beckie, i want to mandi?!!!! i don't know what you guys are trying to achieve. but hell, i just realize it rhymes!!! i'm getting a wee bit paranoid. really looking forward to next friday. i wana go out and pway!!! i need to get out of the house. agh. AWANG!!!!!!! DEXTER BULLY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~_^

yay.... or not

just got back from another doc visit. this time, went back to Dr Kong, the family doctor. bad news. yes, i do have bronchitis and i'm coughing so much that traces of blood is starting to show on the mucus. apparently, i've been screwing up the throat really bad by coughing and coughing and coughing some more. and the good news? the doc gave me antibiotics and says that i might recover in 2 days or so if all goes well! screw the 2 weeks period! and i might even be able to make it over to KL!!!! yayness!!! and dexter, yes, you can stop insulting me now. thanks but no thanks. ah well, you're not my k-go for nothing, ay?

i am fscked

just came back from the doctor not too long ago. guess what? i have developed bronchitis. unbelievable is right. no wonder i won't stop coughing. sigh... doc says the symptoms. i.e coughing will persist for at least 2 weeks. AT LEAST 2 WEEKS!!! cough cough cough cough! and i might have to cancel my tip to the peninsular. sigh... i really want to go! right now, i just hope that the bronchitis won't manifest into TB. ah well... we'll see how things go. i just might be able to go to the peninsular. who knows?

still sick! ~_^

now that's one down and 3 to go. i will be flying to KL on the 11th of Feb around 4.20pm and to Melb on.... i have no idea when. have to remember to ask CYK. and yours truly is still very the sick. with the rate i'm coughing, i just might be coughing out blood! agh. my chest and tummy are already really sore from all the coughing and what shit. ah... i'm ready to cough up my intestines!!! i really really hope i get well by friday. sigh...

........

being the naughty girl that i am, i skipped the visit to the doc today... again. somebody spank me! my throat is some what better. if not for the coughing that makes it fell so raw... damn the cough! let's hope i get well before my trip to the peninsular on the 7th - next friday. i shall spit on him. i shall fart in his direction. who is he? he is my uncle. why? because he is an abuser. he hit my aunt because she told him to grow up. well, it's about time someone told him that. he's the only son in the family of 7 daughters. i can understand why grandma and grandpa side with him. but when he's here, in my house, in my territory, he'd better behave because i will not and shall not go soft on him. he doesn't deserve the respect and i won't give it to him. i don't care if he's elder than me. fuck that. he hit a woman and that's that. bah, i'm off to bed. feeling drowsy from the med.

happy new year

hello, people of the world. happy new year! and yours truly is still sick. very sick. my sore throat hasn't gotten any better, my cough is worsening still, and i'm coming down with flu. shit. what started out as a few innocent coughs manifested into a really bad sore throat and now... I AM VERY SICK! doctor told me to wait it out and i did just that but apparently i waited for a wee bit too long. should've gone back to him the previous day when my fever hasn't subsided. being my oh-so-clever self, i decided not to go. agh. stupid me. anyways, last night's bbq was some what good. tia maria, chivas and taquilla galore! nope. i didn't have any to drink. i'm such a good girl.... weeeeeeell, maybe i had... erm... ok. so maybe i had a teeny weeny bit of tia maria, like 2 mugs of it. so sue me. heh. the guys did a lot of crazy things. they just gone mad. MAD i tell you! pics (if there are any) will be up soon after i get them. other than the bbq, last night was just... one word - DISAPPOINTING! no fireworks display, no cars on the road to do some honking with... just plain dull. well, the clubs are packed though. but hell, i'm not a club person. i hate crowds. i'd rather spend the time cuddling with the man i love. ugh. crowds. ok ok. so the world is mourning for the lives lost in the tsunami disaster. so sue me for wanting to have some fun. yeah, i'm a heartless bitch. oh, i hope the clinic will be open today. else i'm meat. =/