i'm there!!!!

finally managed to import all the old post over. secret window is no more. it's now saving ryan's privates. erm... don't ask me why saving ryan's privates. ask keen!

sigh

it's tough being here. no friends to call your own, no life, uni sucks. i'm one who doesn't believe in regrets but now, if it's one thing that i'm starting to regret is coming to Australia. what was i thinking when i decided to come over? i try not to let the loneliness get to me. i really really tried. but whatever i'm doing so far isn't working. i hate this feeling! i really do. but when you've got nobody...... sigh... i really really want to go home. more than anything in the world. i just want to go home and not come back. i should learn to keep my thoughts to myself. it's not like i'm seeing any changes in voicing out my feelings.

short note

nikki, finally wear that snow man socks of yours, ay? kawaiine! see you soon.

moving

i've made up my mind. i shall take up keen's offer and move over. i think he's sick of me going i want the calendar!!!! everytime i see one. another blogger with diagnosedneurosis in the name.

selfish people!

i have been holding back all this time so that i won't hurt your precious feelings! i'm not directing this at anyone in particular... i'm refering to people in this stupid house and you know what? today is the day i will speak my fucking mind and not care about what you or you think because this is my blog and i'll write what i want and so what if i step all over you?! read this. I DON'T C.A.R.E!!!! for starters, you people don't clean up after your own mess. look, i'm not your mother. you may be living in this house, but it doesn't make this house yours. you don't make a mess and leave it for other people to clean up. and guess who does most of the cleaning up? ME! i'd have to go like eh, your shit stuck on the bowl, can go clean up ar?! and most of the time, i'd do it myself because i dislike asking people to do things. and it's not just the shit. i have to take toiletries out of the shower stall because people forget to take it out and the next person to enter the stall has no space to put their things and it's been 6 months in this house and i'm the only one that wipes the sink in the toilet and i have to constantly use a messy sink because the person before so conveniently spills water all over the place and didn't bother to clean up. now lets move on the kitchen. the sink is constantly dirty and smelly and no matter how much i clean it, it'll be back to it's dirty state in 60 seconds straight and i just found my rice cooker cover covered in muck and whoever used it didn't bother to clean it up, and people very conveniently spill things on the floor, on the counter, on the cabinets and don't bother wiping it. the 6 months i'm here, i have never once put off household chores due to personal reasons. not once! but the rest of you?! you don't care about anything or anyone else but yourself. each and everyone of you are selfish bastards! for instance, i don't put off cooking unless i'm sick or if i'm busy and even if i'm sick, i still do my share of work. those rare times that i do put off cooking, the first thing that comes to mind is the rest of you, whether or not you'll be ok with me not cooking, whether or not you'll have anything to eat for dinner. even if it's not my turn to cook, i have to worry if the rest of you remember, if anyone took the meat out from the freezer and then there's the mopping. since forever, i've been the one that has been doing it. i nicely ask people to do it and what do i get? can do later ar? i lazy to do now. and guess what? later never comes. so i do it myself. even when i have my exams, i have to squeeze time to clean whereas those that are free? they just go about their own business, not having a care in the world and THAT PISSES ME OFF!!!! for goodness sakes, even eric seems to be doing something without me asking him to! then there's the incident tonight that i'm really pissed about. you go out and have fun or do whatever you want to do. fine. i don't care. it's your life. i have no say to it. so time flies by and it's 5.30pm. no call what so ever to tell me that you're not going to cook, or that today isn't your day to cook, or you're not coming back to eat. ok. so i do the cooking. no problem. i got Keen to call. no one answers. fine. it's 7pm and i'm done cooking. eric comes running out of the room telling me that i've got a call. ok. i answer and i have to ASK BEFORE YOU TELL ME THAT YOU'RE NOT COMING BACK TO EAT! and worse still, you called at 7 pm to tell him that you're not coming back to eat when you know full well that we cook at around 6 pm. don't tell me that you just found out that you're not eating at home. that doesn't justify it! i get pissed and you snap at me saying that you're sorry? well, i'm sorry because it doesn't work that way. i don't get angry at you for no reason. you're 19 for goodness sakes! grow up. you should know what i'm angry about and not get angry at people because they get angry at you. i am going to write what i feel here because i won't bother confronting you because i know full well that you'll just storm off and not listen to what i've got to say. what you did was rude and insulting and i don't appreciate it one bit! yes, i know you'll be pissed when you read this. i don't care. it's time someone tells you off and i don't care if you think that i'm betraying you or stabbing your back or whatever you choose to call it because I DON'T CARE! if i were to go out and leave you cooking and when you're done i call home and tell you that i'm not eating. how would you feel? and when you say sorry? you DON'T SNAP AT THE PERSON THAT YOU'RE APOLOGIZING TO! get me? all your life you've got things done your way and if things don't go your way you get pissed. news flash! the world doesn't work that way. sigh.... why can't this house function properly?! all this ranting is giving me a headache. AGH!

life's in the pits

the past few days has been anything but great. first, i've had pain so intense around my ovaries that i couldn't move. i couldn't even bring myself to an upright position without writhing in pain and it has been 2 days now but the gastric pain doesn't seem to be going away. i really wonder how long i've got before the gastric juice erodes my stomach away.

happy father's day to all the fathers out there. love you dad! and to my fake daddy, Awang, i love you too. all the best in uni!

short note

thank you to each and everyone of you that wished me a happy birthday. glad to know that i'm still remembered.

.......

i am SO TIRED!!! exhausted to the bone! tried sleeping early the past few days but it ain't working. i just cant stay asleep. i'd usually wake up in the middle of the night and stay that way. needless to say, last night was another one of those nights. had a huge row with Keen last night but we managed to sort things out. told him that it's not ok to call me names and let out everything that was on my mind. hopefully he'll be able to understand the burden that i carry on my shoulders and be more sensitive towards it, towards me because the 6 months that i spend living with him, i've come to realize that he ain't all that sensitive towards other people. i think i'd better to grab a short nap. hopefully i can wake up in time for exam. =/

selamat hari jadi

happy birthday to me happy birthday to me happy birthday to me~~~~ happy birthday to me!!!! i'm finally 20! bye bye teenage years. this is by far the teary-est birthday every. sigh.... happy birthday to me!

nothing much

nikki, got your card the other day. thanks!!! and your the best daughter that mommy could ever have.... sort of. hehehe.... life's in a slump lately. can't wait 'till the exams are over. nothing much to say, really. off to bury my head in the books. =/

the sickie

all housemates have gone off to uni. it's good to have the house to myself.... if only i could stay long enough to enjoy it. will have to leave for exam around 10-ish.... am i prepared for it? nope! this exam is killer. i get the upper limb right, i forget the lower limb. i get the lower limb right, i forget the upper limb. sigh.... hopefully i'll be able to pass this. i hate uni. and as stated above, i'm sick. of all the times to fall sick, ay? hopefully it'll go away soon. can't afford to get sick. =/

the all time low

i have never felt this low in my life. exams are coming up on monday and i know jackshit. i'm at the brink of breaking down. doing a good job holding the tears in. sigh... i'll just go to bed. hopefully i don't drown myself in my own tears. sigh....

boooooooooooooooooored

3 more days 'till exams officially start, 14 more days 'till i officially turn 20, yes, can throw me in museum liao. =( i'm bored. i should be studying. but i'm not.