shit

exhausted doesn't even begin to describe what i'm feeling right now. woke up early this morning with a major headache and i knew right away that today ain't gonna be a good day. oh yeah, of course i'm right. the day started off with me finding dishes in the sink left unwashed, a knife caked with chocolate bread spread that's deliberately left on top of a clean piece of cloth that i've washed the night before. moving on, i very nicely asked someone to refill the ink cartridges because heck, i need to print notes. well, i'd do it myself if i could. and i'm pretty sure that i'd mess things up, which i really don't want to, if i do it myself. so yeah. i asked for help. and what response do i get? well, can't you view it on your laptop? thankyouverymuch. he then proceeds very reluctantly to refill the bloody cartridges. i then have to deal with a very stubborn printer that refuses, REFUSES, to feed the paper in properly! and i've been sitting here on this stupid chair feeding the stupid papers in piece by piece for at least 2 hours and my butt is aching and my back is aching and does anyone give a shit? nooooooooooope. then it suddenly hit me that it's time to prepare dinner. got someone to marinate the pork. tough. it's still frozen...... okay. soak it up i say. that's what he did. and here i am still printing shit from the fucked up printer and it's been an hour since.... i think. it most definitely felt like it and no one made the move to check whether the meat is ready. and not long ago, i realized that the skin for the dumpligs are still frozen. no one bothered to take it out of the bloody freezer. why is it that NO ONE seems to bloody care?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm tempted to just sit here and pretend nothing is going on and see who is the 1st one to realize that dinner hasn't been prepared. oh yeah... i would love to. but fuck. i don't want to go hungry tonight. and with someone with a gastric problem, i don't want to eat dinner later than it already is. today is another fucked up day for me. AGH!

it's what i am at this moment

I hate the world today You're so good to me I know that I can't change I tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath; innocent and sweet Yesterday I cried; Must've been relief to see the softer side I can undertsand how you'd be so confused I don't envy you; I'm a little bit of everything all roled into one Chorus I'm a Bitch I'm a Lover I'm a child I'm a Mother I'm a sinner I'm a saint I do not feel ashamed I'm your hell I'm your dream I'm nothing in between you know you wouldn't want it any other way So take me as I am This might mean you'll have to be a stronger man Rest assured that when I start to make you nervous I'm going to extremes; Tomorrow I will change And today won't mean a thing Chorus Just when you think, you got me figured out The season's already changin' I think it's cool; you do what you do And don't try to save me Chorus I'm a bitch, I'm a tease I'm a goddess of my knees When you hurt; when you suffer I'm your angel undercover I'm enough; I'm revived Can't say I'm not alive You know I wouldn't want it any other way alanis morissette - bitch

ain't all that great....

ain't all that great being under-dressed in the cold. my bad for underestimating melb's weather. ain't all that great getting attention from men. men who peeps under my skirt. assholes. ain't all that great when no one reassures me afterwards. =( ain't all that great hearing someone say 'maybe i won't do this course no more'. reason being? it doesn't fetch as much money as he'd like. ain't all that great being a girl. much more so when that time of the month comes around. ...... all in all, today just ain't all that great a day.

scared

had nightmares of cadavers consecutively for 2 nights. sigh.... what is the matter with me? one of the reason i didn't go to uni on wednesday was to avoid going into the stinky room and the other of course me being unwell. but look at me! i'm still getting nightmares despite not seeing it every week. =(

eggs galore

noticed how depressing my blog has been lately and to brighten things up a little, here's some pictures of eggs. easter eggs. given to me by chan. cute ain't it? comes complete with mommy hen and 2 eggs and a little basket to put junk in after consuming the chocs. another take of the gift basket. Leslie's gift to mua! Leslie's gift to our omelette chef, chan rum and raisin..... it's only appropriate to get this for chan since that bugger loves to drink. >.< given to eric by me and leslie. gifts to leslie by chan and i. now, don't you people wish that you have us as house mates? nikki? hehe.

!!!!!!!

i HATE people lying to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

......

uni isn't going too well and it doesn't help that i'm skipping lectures half the time. i'm starting to doubt whether or not this is the right path for me. i'm just not as motivated as i should be... or maybe it could be the cadaver. i just don't feel right cutting it up and doing what other despicable things to it. =( i can't seem to get over it! =( boo hoo. looked out the door and noticed a full moon. =( brings back memories. trying to get a calender up on the site but it ain't working out too well. we'll see what can be done about that. tomorrow easter break begins!!! well, not that it changes things.

oh yeah. leave it to me.

people in the house are starting to treat me like a maid. they eat, wiggle their nice little fat asses and walk away leaving who to clean up after them? me!!! goodness knows how many times i've lost my temper since we moved in and does anyone remember what i tell them? noooooooooope! i tried leaving the dishes in the sink in hope of when someone sees it, they'd actually clean it up. so i go to sleep with a little hope that when i wake up, i'm gonna see an empty sink but, nooooooooo.... no one bothers to clean it. they pretend it's not even there in the first place. sigh. i'm so tired these days i don't know myself anymore. i'm always grumpy, always crying, always angry.... i need a break.

boo hoo hoo

i'm still well and alive. my bad for not blogging for quite some time. have been busy... busy with uni, the house and everything else. the house.... the house!! lovely place.... if only the tenants would work together with me to keep it clean. men, i realized are just plain dirty! so i have to do most of the cleaning by myself. fine and dandy. the thing that pisses me off is that the times when i actually get someone to clean the house, they put it off. put it off long enough and they won't have to do it because i'll be the one who is doing it. how clever. clap. clap. but then again, i can bear with that. the other day, i came home from uni, exhausted like how i always am with uni, and what do i see in the sink? a pile of unwashed dishes all stacked up nicely waiting for someone, or rather me, to clean them up. ooooooookay. i can bear with that. then as i bent down to tie the rubbish, i notice a yellow spot on the floor. what's that? spilled egg!!!! the fuck. someone made that mess and well, decided to leave it there to rot and grow maggots or something?! that pushed me over the edge. needless to say, i broke down. seriously thinking of moving out. i just can not live in filth! oh, and before that, i found out that someone oh so conviniently left the gas on after cooking. the whole house was stinking with gas and thank my lucky stars that the house didn't blow up! that was just stupid! stupid! stupid!!!!!! i don't know how much longer i can hold out. they're not the only ones that are tired. i too am tired. i too need to go to uni. i too have my own life to lead but do they care? nope. well, not until i loose my temper but after a few days, things just goes back to the way it was. how nice of them. sigh. to top it off, uni ain't going so great either. i'm starting to doubt myself. wondering if i made the right choice to do chiropractic. i go into a lecture, have no fucking clue as to what the lecturers are talking about. i go into prac class, have no fucking idea what muscles are where and i do shit at palpitating for whatever it is that i'm supposed to look for and cutting up cadavers is just plain scary... to the point where i'm getting paranoid. like now. when i'm all alone in the house. i think of things. reflect on what i did to the cadaver or rather, what i didn't do to it and i feel.... scared. i just can't think of these.... cadavers as a specimen. not that i'm not trying to change my point of view but well.... it's not that easy. sigh.... easter holiday is coming up next week. can't wait. much needed break for me. awang, how you doing? miss you tons! anyways, hope things are smoothing out for you.

T.I.R.E.D!

it's cold, i'm freezing my ass off and i want a pair of Dorothy's magic slippers. i want to bloody go home! it's only been 2 weeks since we moved into the house, 3 since uni started and i'm already feeling drained from all this shit. i don't mind the long hours in uni, i don't mind the cooking and cleaning what i do mind is that after a long and tiring day, there is no one in the house to talk to, no one in the house to just hang and chill with. everyone is busy. busy. busy. busy with their games and laptops and what other shit. i know... it's selfish for me to think this way, after all they've got their own lives to lead and mine sure as hell don't revolve around theirs. sigh... feels pretty lonely at times. like right now. and i want to bloody go home!! at least at home i've got people who care about my needs, about my well being. people who would listen to me rant and cheer me up afterwards, people who appreciate my efforts... as you people can see, beckie is not at all happy. so somebody come and cheer me up already.